numbers

The time had come where i had to look at the numbers and sadly they added up to more then i thought, i am hoping that the different time of day makes the difference otherwise i will have to work at what i am doing.

after i felt so bad that i actually ate, which i never do when i see a bad number but i felt almost relieved but sad at the same time.

what do you do when u arent happy with yourself? ive culled my clothing, bought new clothes, some i bought in paris, and new boots, maybe a hairstyle change might help this and a structured plan.

might try to write diwn what i eat and do next week for the whole week and see how i do, might help see where i am going wrong or it might show how bad i am being to myself.

i miss my husband and i think i make a fuss about my appearance and try to change it to attract more attention as he isnt very very affectionate so maybe, but i have had issues on this since high school and one particular breakup really sparked it, as i felt punishing myself would punish him as it would cause him further pain. which sadley did have some effect but it makes it hard for me today to see myself as attractive and pretty.

i have not felt good about my weight in such a long time i couldnt remember when i liked myself. this is a great release and i typing it makes me think about it.

hopefully i can get myself sorted by christmas, which is my goal